Tuesday, May 1, 2012

My Birth Month

                  I was thinking of wishes and what I want to get for my 30th birthday on the 24th.
                                                No Celebration. No greetings. Nothing. 
                                                           Just plain simple wishes.

First Wish is for Miguel's Place to have a Head Stone.
I love "Too beautiful for Earth" quote to be written below his name.
I would also like to visit him come my bday or his Daddy's bday.

 My Second Wish is to have a new Tattoo. I know others would raise eyebrows and would say, I am now a needle addict but I don't care. I just want to get this blue rose. Why? It's my sweet Baby's Birth Flower. 
The Feather is to remind me that I have an Angel big enough to watch over me and my family.

No Fancy things to wish for, I've learned few years back that Materials things will not make me really Happy. Honestly, I don't know what to feel on that day. Yes, I will be a hypocrite if I would celebrate and fake happiness. Last year, during my Bday we planned on getting Miguel's Crib, buy Baby Clothes and stuff for him. We were so happy, imagining what would he look like. I am thankful that we didn't do this right after my fiance and I agreed on certain things to get. I don't know how painful it would have been for me if ever I will saw the baby stuff at home. Next Month is Miguel's First Birthday In heaven. I still can't believe how time flies.  The more it gets nearer, the more I'm feeling sad. I guess, I will really never get over His death. NEVER.

Last Wish, No greetings please. I don't like to get a Happy " 

HAPPY Birthday!" on that day. Please. No questions. Just 

Prayers. Pray for me on that day..

I read this from a support group online:

"There are countless losses that can come into our lives, but the most painful, heartbreaking loss anyone can ever bear is "child loss." There is nothing -- absolutley nothing -- that can compare."

It hit Home. I really thought that losing my first love would kill me, but after Losing Miguel, I realized how shallow I am then..There's nothing, no loss whatsoever can compare to the loss of a child. In my case, not once but 4 times in a row..That's the reason for my wishes. To honor Miguel and just LOVE him the way I can..

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