Hibernation at the Mountains

24th of March ~ Miguel would have been 7 Months "if only" he lived.

I decided to Climb Mountain with your Daddy this day.

not because i don't like to cry and remember you but because I need to remind myself that I need to move forward, 

as hard it may seem for me, I need to look forward because your brother Liam needs me.
But it doesn't mean I will forget you Baby Boy.
You will always be in my heart. You will always be remembered. and I will always Love you Miguel.

I always love walking. Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow..
I love the beauty of Nature. I love the smell of greens. I love the air at the top. 
I love the view from the Summit. I love the simplicity of life in the Mountains.

Still the Same ME

I saw this and realized I feel like this and keep asking myself why I am still able to Go on after Miguel..

"Still." by Stephanie Paige Cole:

"There have been full days that have gone by without me crying. There have been strings of days without breakdowns. There have been times where I've gone hours without talking about her. I've felt normal out with my friends. I've joked and laughed. It's not a big deal anymore. I just have a dead baby, that's all. It has become a part of who I am. How did this happen? How did I get here? How am I not dying every second anymore? How am I still breathing? My heart was ripped out of my body. My soul died. How is there still blood flowing carelessly through my veins? My heart is still beating. How? Something drastic should happen after something so traumatic. All of my hair should fall out, or I should become mute or something. People should be able to know just by looking at me that something has gone terrible wrong." -- page. 19

Looking at myself last 2009, I realized I've changed a lot, not only physically but emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I know back then that Life isn't fair but I did everything to get through with much greater hope for the future. But now, after all I've been through I definitely believe that it takes a survivor, a strong individual to be able to triumph on this ordeal. I am not sure I'm over it, not yet. and maybe never will..

♥missing you so much Baby. You would have been 7 Months old on the 24th..im dying for "what might have been".."if only"..I love you little one..